Jon Gruden Got What He Deserved, But Is There A Cost To Our Humanity?

Our world has shifted socially to become one of the most nuanced societies the world has ever known. In modern-day America, nothing is black and white anymore. Everyone is an individual with their own unique perspectives, experiences, feelings, personality and identity. Not only can we be whatever we want, we can change that daily, if we choose to do so. Nothing is static and, more noted, nothing is binary.

Except when it comes to any language that is racist, sexist or homophobic. If you ever say anything like this, regardless of when it was said, in what context, or in what situation, you are what your words expressed. No explanation and no debate.

In today’s world there is no room for any flexibility when it comes to any hateful language, and I’m certainly not here to say otherwise. No one, including myself, would ever excuse anyone for any hateful language or comments, no matter the circumstance or the context in which it was used and no one should be free of the consequences that follow.

However, that’s also the problem with how we approach people who are exposed for their hateful words. We refuse, no matter what, to offer any depth to the person that said these words. Despite being as nuanced as we are as a society in so many ways, we’re not nuanced with language, and those who say such taboo words cannot be anything more than what those words mean. You are either this or that.

Humans are very intricate beings. Even the most “normal” person has many layers and sides to their personality and we, as a society, generally celebrate this vast human complexity every day. We are the most sophisticated species to ever walk this planet and with each passing generation, we become more intricate as humans. How can anything be binary when it comes to humans? We are truly a work of art, be it through divine design or evolution.

The only exception to this rule is your words. Say the wrong ones and you instantly become a flat caricature of a human being, stripped of any nuance.

Former Las Vegas Raiders Head Coach Jon Gruden is a good example of this phenomenon. One day he is a beloved and charismatic coach and commentator. Seen as an old school, hard as nails, football guy with a colorful personality that was very popular with many NFL fans. He transcended football in many ways. That all changed in an instant when his personal emails were exposed. He became the horrible and hateful words he said and that’s it. We do know one real fact about him at this point: He said some seriously hateful things in emails that were racist, homophobic and sexist.

There is no excuse or debating what these emails meant and there is no excusing Jon Gruden from being held accountable for this type of language… but does that define this man in totality? If we are so open to the complexity and the unlimited dynamics of the human personality and the nuances of just being human, is it possible that Jon Gruden is not a racist, homophobe or a sexist? Is this possible? How can it be possible? He said those things.

In the field of psychology there is something called the Myers Briggs Personality Types. According to the Myers Briggs website, it’s a scale of various personality traits that, when combined, create a personality type. The eight traits are extroversion, sensing, thinking, judging, feeling, perceiving, intuition and introversion. Combine them in various ways, and we develop a personality type. For example, someone could be an ESFJ, a mixture of extraversion, sensing, feeling, and judging, also called “The Provider.” These folks are typically loyal, warm, somewhat thin-skinned and concerned with the well-being of others. They have the potential to thrive in organized environments and team settings. They have an orientation towards the practical and the present, rather than the theoretical and the future.

As binary as we would like to make Jon Gruden, or anyone else that lands in this type of situation, we know it’s not that simple. Even with the combinations within the Myers Briggs Personality Types, which establishes 16 variations of personality, we know humans are far more complex than just that.

As the Jon Gruden fiasco unfolded, many people came out in defense of Gruden, including former colleagues and former players under his tutelage, saying they never saw or experienced any negative treatment from the man… most said quite the opposite. Keep in mind, most of these folks fall within the types of people Gruden supposedly despises. Most of these comments were ignored or dismissed by those that didn’t want to hear anything other than what they dug their heels in the ground on: Gruden is what he said, end of debate.

Of all the comments about Gruden, it was the statement of former Raiders wide receiver Amari Cooper who offered the insight we may be missing in not only explaining Gruden, but helping get a better understanding of human nuances when it comes to these type of incidents. Cooper said from knowing Gruden, he never thought he was racist or misogynistic, but Cooper also said something odd… he said he wasn’t surprised. He called Gruden “impulsive.”

“Knowing Gruden, he was able to make really quick decisions and sometimes it can be impulsive. Sometimes it could be good, sometimes it could be bad.” Cooper said in an interview.

From Cooper’s point of view, who himself says he’s very familiar with the Myer Briggs scale, he sees a specific mixture of traits in Gruden that has created a personality type that, from his perspective, could land himself in this type of situation. When it did land him there, he wasn’t surprised, but Cooper also seems to understand that this situation alone doesn’t make up the totality of the man who said those things because his own experience being around him didn’t reflect that.

While the full text of the emails is not available, and we still lack full transparency, it’s clear from what we do know is that Gruden was upset and frustrated with certain people and those in upper-levels of the NFL and used slurs that are unacceptable under any circumstance. If his personality type is prone to impulsiveness, a stream of the most hateful words spewing from his mouth would not be hard to believe. While he could have used a lot of different words to express his anger and frustration, many of which would not have landed him in this situation, his personality traits may have gotten the better of him in those heated moments.

Gruden used poor judgment, has clearly acted in an unprofessional manner, and failed to filter his language when he should have known better, even in the most heated fits of frustration and anger. He has no excuses here. The consequences he received are just, in my opinion. No matter what, we can’t excuse the language, but are we okay with simplifying everyone that utters this type of language? Are we as binary as the ones we are so quick to compartmentalize when they say the wrong words without considering the nuances of the person, the personality, the context, and the situation?

Action should speak louder than words, but in today’s world, it’s seems to be more and more we want to intimately connect words and actions and have convinced ourselves they aren’t mutually exclusive. This is a slippery slope because that isn’t true in many cases. It’s hard to reconcile what someone says with allowing ourselves the possibility of believing they are not what they said. The scary part about nuances of humans when these incidents happen is that we will likely never know if Gruden truly is a hardcore racist, homophobe and misogynist, or some combination of these things. It is just easier to quickly categorize the person, put them in their place and we’ll all feel safer that a monster is no longer a threat to our societal health.

It’s easy… and that’s the problem. It’s too easy.

If we consider the nuances of the human being, their own unique perspectives, experiences, feelings and personality, and how these things are fluid and change drastically under various circumstances, then we have to think much more deeply about the person and the words we are condemning… and that’s too complicated and, frankly, quite frightening, especially if we end up being wrong and let the monster roam free.

So, how can we reconcile all of this? Raiders Quarterback Derek Carr may have given us a path that we all can take with some sense that justice is served, proper consequences handed down, while at the same time, keep our own humanity from becoming just as one-dimensional as the people we as so quick to label as such after hateful and unacceptable words are spoken. Carr said what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong and noted, in passing, that he has family members that have “done things.” He added that you can love the man and hate the sin, saying that no one is perfect. Hopefully we, as a society, can begin to move in a direction where those thoughts are taken to heart.